Guest blog: Mark and Larlene go to Spain
Are you sitting down? Do you have your pants on? Well get ready for fun and thrills because today is the very first ever Lady Nest guest blog! Many of you might remember an earlier blog entitled, Give me my stuff back, that featured my pals Mark and Larlene, who still haven’t given my stuff back. And by many of you, I mean Mark and my mother, or 66.6% of my target audience (shout out to the anonymous reader in Albania). Today, Mark has written his very own guest blog that features his lovable lady-wife, Larlene, staring up elevator shafts, staring down at apples, and just chillin’. I want to thank Mark for his time and adorable efforts, as well as showing me that I actually do need to set clear boundaries for any future guest bloggers, such as not committing any human rights violations with your language or getting me put on watch lists.
Did I mention these rascals went to Spain? Yes, The Spain, just teeming with brilliant design, sweating it out of its pores and hitting you in the face with its hot design breath. I want to eat Spanish design for breakfast and turn it into lotion to lather on diligently every day on my alligator skin. One day, just before they strip me of my medical license, I will make myself a costume made of beautiful Spanish tiles, ornate medallions ripped off of ceilings, torn pages of Architectural Digest España and a jaunty hat fashioned from Iberian ham. Yes, of course I am Flamenco dancing. That is how I would like to go down. I leave you with a playlist and a recipe to get you in the mood. Happy reading, Mark and mom.
At long last, el blog de Mark Smith:
Like all good alcoholics Larlene and I chose countries to visit based on the price of alcohol. So off to Spain we went (for the third time). I had drunk in the East and the South so I rolled the tipsy dice and it twas to the North we ventured. Little did we know that we would fall hard for those Spaniards and their AirBnBs.
So through a bar (literally) to get to the entrance of the place we go, eyeing the Vermouth as we go, and bam we hit this old, droopy ball sack of a staircase in mid-renovation. The original tile underfoot, the wood bannister that has tasted every venereal disease in western Europe, the exposed brick- I was loving every splinter. Sadly they were changing it all, based mostly on the “suggestions” from engineers.
Anyhoo, I couldn’t wait to jump into my priest-sized vintage bed and go to sleep listening to the chirps of bats.
Nope, not this time Ignacio. In we walk into an Architectural Digest masterpiece designed and build by the owner. I mean damn, for the article I will pretend like I was surprised and that this AirbBnb didn’t have photos when I rented it, but in reality it was even better.
It couldn’t have been more than 300 s.f. but every inch was perfect. The owner of this blog might call it a shaved pussy, but it is right up my alley. It had a glass wall divider separating the bedroom from the kitchen, I mean who doesn’t like that! Top it off with a miniature fridge and tiles that went from here to yaya.
Once we drank Logorono dry we had to move on, and why not Bilbao? We wanted to meet the main character of Lord of the Rings, but turns out just a pretty town with a shiny building on acid. But Spain had more rental love for us.
Arriving at our next space we were greeted by a building right out of Pretty Woman (the end part not the beginning). Starting to panic as we did not bring our black tie clothes, we moved to go upstairs but in the way was a Hollywood style elevator you only see in movies about lofts in NYC- but this one worked!
I am sobering up now and this article is boring me. Go to Spain, drink Vermouth with friendly people and stay at cool places not because of the museums, but because of the funky apartments.
